What Do Two Middle Aged White Guys...
... Have to Offer?
By Dorian Benkoil
That headline is a paraphrase of a question Ted asked me when we were discussing whether and how to proceed with this project and what this is to become.
My intention — our intention — is to share life hacks, life lessons, useful observations, things that have helped us and that we believe will help others. Because, well, self-help is not really a thing. We all need others.
So, what do two aging, middle-aged White guys have to offer? Well, we each have diverse experience and the desire and, I believe, ability to help others.
Here is another way of answering the question: I had a counseling session after I was laid off as the general manager of the internet division of a New York-based magazine publishing company. Disheartened, I told the counselor I wasn’t sure I had much to offer potential employers. There were a zillion others who could run a team of media people, create profits, etc.
The counselor, sitting behind his desk, turned his chair around to face the other way. “If I took that attitude,” he said, “I would just sit and face the wall all day.” Sure, there were probably other therapists who could do his job, as effectively. But he had something to offer, and it was valid. None of us is perfect or ever will be. Even one of the greatest tennis players of all time, Roger Federer, said he won only 54% of the points he played. And he was ranked world number one for 310 weeks. Andy Kim — a U.S. senator — in a recent interview acknowledged feelings of insufficiency and powerlessness.
You may never be a designated number one or a powerful politician. But you can contribute, can help others. You already have, I bet.
Accountability, Motivation, and Support
Ted and I have, too. And we can continue to. Whatever our race, cultures or backgrounds, we have worthwhile experiences and perspectives. We each have had a range of jobs in different parts of the world, have learned to operate in unfamiliar, sometimes non-Western, languages and cultures. We have worked in media, communication, technology, business, and education. Ted now heads the New York branch of a centuries-old spiritual organization. I write, speak and teach about media, technology, and business, often at major universities or in the corporate or startup worlds. We are both part of an accountability, motivation, and support group I long ago named “WeSparq.” And that’s a big part of the impetus for us.
Here, we’ll be sharing lessons from that group, including:
- Tips, tricks, and techniques: leadership, collaborating, job-hunting, personal betterment, tech (tools, AI, etc.), platforms (LinkedIn, ClickUp, and more). From conceptual and strategic to the nitty gritty.
- How to WeSparq: How to get to Motivation, Accountability, and Support, with a group, or even on your own.
- Self-Helpless: the lowdown on self-improvement books and resources. Real, straightforward stuff — what we have found helpful and less-so in things we have consumed, in the hopes the guidance can help you hone in.
- Relevant personal reflections. See above.
- Flubs and Fuckups. Honest recounting of mistakes we have made in the hope that it helps others.
Just about everyone in our WeSparq group has helped create it. The group, in a Zoom of up to a dozen people, meets weekly for — as I said — support, motivation, and accountability. It’s cooperative motivation. There’s a structure, a rhythm and a methodology. That’s part of what we’ll be sharing. We’re there and here to help each other with the belief that by doing so we will receive the same from others. I hope you, dear reader, watcher, and listener can get the same. I’m trying to feed humans, not algorithms; we’ll see what the algorithms take.
Ted and I will be trying to share some level(s) of wisdom and observations based on the years we’ve had as humans, as parents, as guys — yes, of a certain age — who may have some things to share. (P.S.: For the record, I am not as White as you might think -- although I present that way. And, Ted, your last name means in a previous generation you, too, might not have been “White.”)
So, anyway, Ted: Are we good? Let’s get (more) busy.
